Reflections on Being Rich and Other Obligations

Dear Mr. Fluffington- It's been four score and seven massages ago since I last posted, and I'll tell you what, I'm going a little crazy over here. Ever since William fired Miranda, he hasn't been taking all the out of town trips he was taking before, and I must admit, I've been going a little stir crazy. Ok, more than a little.

On top of that, William's parents have been here visiting us in sunny California (see pic) and I am just about tired of of all of this "Good Housekeeping" competition. Well, since William doesn't approve of my blogging, I thought it only respectful to wait until he's out of town to do so. Really, it's been too long.

We were =><= close to having William's mother put in a nursing home; then, she and Charlie decided to come for a visit. We couldn't exactly say no without giving away our plans, so we just went with it, but what started out as a two-week housewarming visit turned into a four-week domesticity challenge from Hell and beyond. So much has been going on politically. Though you know I am more interested in the politics of feminism, I haven't gotten a chance to talk with you about the fact you don't have to be Sarah Palin to see the socialism creeping into the US from Russia. I'm very worried right now about what the ramifications are of every US citizen having health insurance. It baffles me how people who believe in evolution still wish to deny this most basic function of survival of the fittest. Baffles me. If every US citizen (and illegal aliens, don't you know) is covered insurance-wise, just think of how many hospital and insurance company bill collectors in the US of A are going to be out of their jobs. Thousands, I'd bet. Fortunately, rich people have stepped up to display what should be done to help our economy. Shop. I know it's easy to get sick of shopping, but all you rich people reading my blog, know that is it your responsibility to keep this economy running like the well-oiled machine we know it capable of being. (And, don't forget, that takes oil!)

What else has been going on in politics? I am glad that these midterm elections have us seeing Obama moving into his lame duck phase. Ineffectual, as we conservatives predicted. This is fortunate. As can be expected as par for the course, of course, he refused to take a bold stand up against terrorists by condemning the terrorist attack on Fort Hood. I could go on and on, but if being married these past six months has taught me anything, it's to back up and let people see the errors of their ways themselves. I'm pretty sure everyone is lamenting America's choice about now, especially those of us who were ready to see John McCain pick up another trophy, a Nobel Peace Prize, though I just can't see such a maverick getting such a mainstream honor. Can you?

Well, as this holiday season comes upon us, I know William will be traveling a bit more, so I'll be seeing you under the mistletoe.

Thanks, Mr. Fluffington

Love, Mims

Well, Mr. Fluffington, it seems, I once again spoke prematurely. Once Barack Hussein Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, I realized there is no voice of reason I could provide that could save the liberal blogosphere from itself in the eyes of a Christian God. Maybe Bob was right. And, as my favorite doctor, Dr. Laura, might suggest, I should listen to the men in my life, even if I don't know them from Adam in the blogosphere. Maybe, my expressing myself has gotten old. I certainly know William thinks so.

So, while a new political season might provide me with more hope for the future, I am woman enough to admit that Sarah Palin inspired a lot of budding social activists, like myself, to jump out from behind our nice woodworking and share our two cents. Any more would surpass charity and move us on into the realm of socialism, would it not?

Since I haven't been writing here much at all, I've decided just to full-heartedly throw myself into the Junior League and entertaining and I may even teach children alternative theories to the theory of evolution at a Sunday school class at a church in my area. I'm not sure what I'll say, but just like here, I know that if I give them to God, he will take my words and use them for the highest good.

Thank you, Mr. Fluffington!

Can We Talk?

I know I usually am strictly about the business of sharing my political views here with you, but today I just need for this to be a bit more personal than that. Today, I need to just get some things about being married off my chest.

This is a picture of William and me with Miranda and her "fiancé". He's the tall, obviously gay, one and of course, she's the blonde. It's a bit hard to tell the slutty way she dresses usually in that picture, but I assure you she's wearing a thong under that silky nighty she calls a dress.

I can just tell by looking at this picture that William is looking at her breasts. She wasn't even wearing a bra, though I do admit my regret in wearing high heels and that tall hat, the combination of which give off the emasculating impression that I am taller than William. I'm not!

I don't know why I let William talk me into going out to eat with Miranda and her fiancé. We have nothing in common, but William, and then they just spent the whole time talking about work. I see how she captivates him. It's not that I'm jealous that they spend more time together than William and I do, and I know William couldn't see anything in a woman like her beyond some meaningless and tawdry romp in the hay, but I am not naïve. I am well aware of the fact that during our engagement, my virginity was an incentive for William to remain faithful, but now I am a bit concerned that if I don't get pregnant soon, William will start to get the urge to, pardon my french, plant his seed elsewhere.

I've never been married before. I don't believe in divorce, which may not have needed to be said, and so I don't really know what sorts of signs a man puts out when he's ready to have a baby. Now, William has never really said that he wanted to have a child outright, but he's known for years that I do and he married me, so....

There are a few things that have been bothering me. I am not completely clear which are normal and which aren't, so I've been listening to Dr. Laura's radio program and even just bought her book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I know, I know that Sarah Palin has been my hero, but that was back when I was a single woman, a feminist. Dr. Laura says feminism kills women! Ouch. I mean, I can look at Miranda and see that she's dying inside, but literally? It's hard to believe.

I'm not going to make a decision about whether William and I are ready to have a baby or not until I read Dr. Laura's book, but I am also hoping to pick up a few relationship pointers, particularly regarding sex. I've heard Dr. Laura say on her program that it is my penultimate responsibility to keep myself in good shape in order to keep William happy. I mean, how can women who let themselves go expect their men not to stray?

I've just got to keep praying on these matters. My whole world view is sort of disintegrating before me. I'd always thought of myself as liberated. Before I got married, I was making good money, but taking care of a house is hard work, and even with a lot of help, I have been working less. Plus, with the way this new administration's been screwing up the economy. Darn, I wasn't going to get all political.

For the time being, I am glad I am blogging. William didn't approve of my getting therapy after we got married, so I am just trying to keep up the things my therapist recommended, like blogging, and maybe I can pick up a few books to help myself. And, oh my gosh, there is so much good information here in Dr. Laura's blog about marriage. I'm really glad that I already do that first thing, not expect William to do the women's work around the house. How emasculating. Exactly. Oh, this is rich. I will have much to read about and much to do here with all this material.

I kind of wish there were a male version of Dr. Laura for husbands, just so I knew William was getting the proper sorts of advice on how to properly care for and feed me, but, I guess, for now, I'll have to properly care for and feed us both.

I feel so much better to get these worries off my chest. I'll share with you what I read over there at Dr. Laura's blog. Oh, here's an excerpt:

"Women who want emasculated men generally have huge hostility issues with masculinity (which they got from their mothers or the feminist teachers of their women’s studies courses), and want to be able to control the man (never as much as their mother could) or are just too scared of their normal natural dependency on a real man.

A better study would be to find out what household situations make MEN happiest, because those are the ones which, overall, are going to attract the men who make the best husbands. Happy husbands spend more time with their families, and would swim through shark-infested waters for them. This particular study? Just another piece of feminist propaganda flotsam."

Oh, how I wish I'd read this before I got married. I've probably already made a thousand mistakes. This should be required reading for young women instead of reading that sex ed smut in schools. Oh, I was just getting finished here, so I'll not get started. I've got some re-evaluating, working out, and chores to do, it seems, so I'll get to it.

Thanks, Mr. Fluffington!

Love, Mims

Obama Says He's Healed the Economy!

Well, it's done. It's over. America's grave economic crisis has gone the way of Earth Firsters clenching redwoods. It's given up the ghost. The economy was spanked by its Daddy, and ran away crying, agreeing to play nice.

If you believe that, I've got a bagel stand in the Gaza Strip I want to sell you. Somehow, miraculously, Obama increased the number of people on unemployment (read now dependent on the government), and then when it goes down slightly, he's claiming victory. Not only that, he has the gall to blame the Bush administration when it's his administration which created this crisis in the first place. All we can really hope for now, folks, is that the real mavericks will step up and take responsibility. God knows someone needs to do so.

Obama's been in office for nearly 8 months now. Just think about this... In just over a month more (remember September 11th?) into Bush's first term, he was already beginning to lead the world in protecting the US and democracy by starting an exploratory mission to starting the War on Terror. I am scared to think what would happen to the US if this Obama administration were forced to face such a challenge right now. Obama 's administration can't even handle foreign affairs without calling on former presidents to do all the heavy lifting. I hope when they call on George Bush, he tells them to go to Hell.

Maybe, there is a slim population of America benefiting from all the socialism, but I'm not buying it! I don't want to buy even one more welfare mamma a boob job, not while I'm sitting here wearing last year's Ralph Lauren due to drops in new home sales here in Malibu, anyway. My economy has been hurt, and you don't hear me begging for a handout. Not nearly as many people as who were doing so before are throwing parties these days. If William's family didn't have a shit ton of old family money, I'm not sure what we'd be doing right now..., driving Ford Focuses, I suppose.

When will this nightmare ever end? Don't you know, your priorities are screwed up if you value a rain forest's virginity more than you value a human's?

Sheez, I just had to get some of this hate off my chest. It doesn't go well with my eyes, I must say, and these frown lines are going to stick, if I don't watch it, which is why, once again, I am thankful to be a blogger. Maybe, next time I can spend my time here on a happier note, like telling you all about planning my and William's first anniversary vacation to A WHOLE ISLAND in the Bahamas next April! William surprised me early, so I'd have something to do while he and Miranda are off on their business trips. In this economy, I should just be glad people still need lawyers, I suppose.

Thanks Mr. Fluffington!

Love, Mims

Evildoers Would Dissuade Us From The Promised Land

Politics are just getting out of hand in America. People just complain and complain and they're not getting any of the important work done. Let's take this birthers thing. For one thing, the name is just driving me crazy. It is too close to resembling Pro-Lifers, a term that is here to stay, whereas this birthers "movement" will get flushed down the toilet just like our health care system on socialism. Any questions?

Everyone knows that Obama and McCain are legitimate candidates for president, but the liberals are pulling their literal crap, like they do with The Bible to argue, in a sense, that Obama has a more legitimate claim to the presidency than McCain, which I think is unarguably propaganda. The citizenship stipulation for presidential eligibility is "natural-born" citizen. Natural-born killers of our constitution have lain down a precedent that "natural-born" be defined as a person who is a citizen of the US at birth. Obama is by virtue of birth locale (not blood), and McCain is moreso by blood, but less by Panama. Panama wasn't a US territory at the time of his birth, but that's ok, because his parents' citizenship and residency pass the mustard, but let's look at this.

Quite often in the law intent is considered. We all know that Obama's mother was messing around with a foreigner and living as far away from American civilization as one can be and still live in America, in Hawaii, while McCain's being in Panama was a direct reflection of how much his parents loved America. His father was in the military.

Don't get me wrong. I think a man should be given his due based on the merits, but the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say, and we all know that what it boils down to is that McCain is more patriotic than Obama. For that matter, Schwarzenegger is, as well. I just hope the birthers don't make too big of a deal about technicalities here and shoot themselves in the face when it comes time to get Arnold elected. We're gonna need all we can get. Unfortunately, when Sotomayor is confirmed that will be even harder.

Though the Democrats are taking America to hell in a hand basket, at least the American spirit is not totally dead. I'm pretty bitter today. (It's that Miranda- I'll tell you later.) But, this video of Katie Holmes on my favorite tv program really cheered me up today. I hope you enjoy it.

happy 8r @ Yahoo! Video

h/t to Mock, Paper, Scissors

I Cannot Believe This Woman!

h/t to Omnipotent Poobah

Who's on Top?

I just love how the Democrats have been messing themselves up lately. Democrats just can't stay in the spotlight like Republicans can, and they should accept it, roll over and cash their welfare checks already. It seems clear that we've got ourselves two very charismatic leaders, mavericks indeed, to go up against Obama for his second term. The only problem is, who should be at the bottom of the 2012 ticket, and who should be at the top?

Both Mark Sanford and Sarah Palin would make excellent commanders in chief, so how are we to choose? There are pros and there are cons to each. I think the most obvious difference between Sanford and Palin is that he is a man and she is a woman. While I've no need to go into any typical sexist propaganda, I think one of the most important aspects to consider is Sarah Palin's reproductive status. Could she carry on the duties of a president is she were to be blessed with another child? It's clear that she would take the moral high ground and keep the baby... for obvious reasons. Are we ready as a nation to have politicians who are pregnant while in office? Should we inquire about her birth control methods? Are they our business? I would assume that she and Todd use the rhythm method. Could being the president potentially throw off Sarah's cycles if she were under a tremendous amount of duress? These are tough questions, but I think this topic in general gives Sanford the upper hand.

The reality is, however, that Palin is one of those gals who has the audacity to be on top, and even enjoy it. I really couldn't imagine such brazenness, but I see that she has it, for better or for worse. She has that leadership quality, and Mark Sanford owes her a solid. Palin not only quit her day job, so she could devote herself fully to campaigning, but her timing.... Impeccable. There is chemistry between those two that's undeniable, and that could make for a great presidential team. A couple of free thinkers who follow their guts. That's what this country needs. No more business as usual. As to who is on top and who is on bottom, the Lord will sort out the details.

Speaking of details, I have had a lot going on lately. William and I have decided to spend wildfire season on vacation. Only we can't decide between Cancun and San Juan. This is really a hard decision. I asked William if we could just not decide and go to both, but he and Miranda have a business conference they have to attend in the middle of August, and there is no time to go to a second place.

That Miranda's grown on me quite a bit. It seems that someone may have sent her an anonymous postcard to alert her to the impropriety of wearing thong panties that showed out of the top of the back of one's slacks, or even worse yet, skirts. A certain someone may have offered up some most valuable advice as to how men, at least the marrying kind, like to have a little left to the imagination. Otherwise, what's their incentive for getting married. Miranda has asserted that she and "her boyfriend" are engaged, but I've seen her call here at odd hours, crying, asking to talk to William. Her relationship is on the rocks, but even I could see that he is gay a mile away. Poor Miranda. She's such a beautiful woman, but she just has no sense when it comes to men.

Well, tomorrow I am substitute teaching Mrs. Roth's 10:30 AM Young Adult Sunday School Class. I am so excited to have an opportunity to talk to the young people about taking their virginity oaths. I'd love to sponsor a father/ daughter virginity dance/ dinner/ ceremony before school starts back up. The Lord blesses those who do his work, and I am truly blessed.

I must go; I have been studying brochures for nursing homes in the Dallas area for William's mother. He said he doesn't think she needs to be in a home, but I just know after he sees what these places offer, he'll change his mind.

I almost posted Stand By Your Man, but I really wanted to play this mavericky political song to lift my spirits to a future when Republicans have gained back the Senate.

• Barracuda by Heart

More Heart music on iLike

I Must Confess I am a Sucker for True Love

Oh my, the news has been busy these past few weeks, and there is much to discuss in the media. On top of that, so much has been going on in my personal life, that I've been too busy to stop and reflect much. Between Iran, North Korea, Mark Sanford, Michael Jackson, and Miranda, I've had my mind full, and with a dinner party, a cruise, a spa day birthday retreat for my mother-in-law, I've had my hands full. With all that marriage and church entails, I've had my heart full, and I've just got to spit some of this out before I simply explode!

First, I've just got a bit to say about the international fiascos Obama is creating in the world scene. It's not enough that he's a wimp when it comes to Iraq and Afghanistan, but now, as we Republicans easily foresaw, he's failing on the fronts of Iran and North Korea. George W Bush did not declare a war on terrorism rather than on a single country for a reason. He did not want to tie this country's hands when it came to dealing with dictatorships. He went around promising diplomatic talks with lunatics and look what he's got... a HOT MESS! George Bush would have declared war on those frightful men for their actions against the US this week, that's for sure. Obama could learn a thing or two about bravery from the Republicans. It's true.

After all Sarah Palin's had to deal with this last year, now add liberal elites David Letterman and John Kerry to the mix! Can't someone just give this woman a break? It's clear she's dressed to succeed, and that cannot be beat, so those fools should just get out of her way. She'll always get the last laugh. She's proven that in her public service, hasn't she? Anyway, making light of Mark Sanford's predicament is just cruel. Shame on you John Kerry, and shame on you, Jenny Sanford!

I think that this is what I really wanted to write about here. There have been a few times I have been a little jealous of Miranda's working relationship with William, but there is nothing that sompares to marriage. Not sex. That's for sure. But, Mrs. Mark Sanford has said where her allegiances lie, and they are not with her husband, that is apparent in her insistence that they separate, and in her not greeting her man at the airport to stand by him at his touching press conference. It's clear that he wants his marriage to work and that she's given up. I read the emails. He loves this woman in Argentina, and I think it's God's will that he be with her. If he were to marry her and help her become a US citizen and then ran for vice president in 2012 with Sarah Palin on the top of the ticket, I think that would be a winning combination. A combination with (pardon me) the balls to stand up to the likes of Ahmadinejad and Il. A combination with some real family values, rather than the likes of some of the immoral Democrats!

Well, I'm not pregnant yet, but when God decides it's time, it will be time. My mother-in-law's birthday is coming up and I am going to Dallas to help organize a spa retreat weekend for her, William's sister, and me to spend together. I figure it's a good way for us to get in a little mother-daughter-sister bonding. Lord, help me. I'll need it with the Queen Bitch and the Lesbian Breeder. I've been a little bored with being a housewife from time to time. When Lupita is cleaning, it is excruciating to watch how slowly she goes through the house to dust and mop. If I were paying her by the hour, I would be enraged. It's bad enough I have to house sit my own house that long, but I tolerate it because she does do a good job, and even though I had to listen to her baby cry while she brought her to work and wore her on her back that one time, I've decided to turn the other cheek and be the better person. She's a charity project, of sorts.

Well, I'm busy. William is having his buddies from the club over. I like Gregor's wife well enough, but Kirk's wife, Kim, drives me batty. I'd better stock up on some extra appletini mix and vodka. I'm not ovulating for another week, and since I won't have to drive William and I around like usual, I think tying one on and maybe speaking my mind for a change might make for an interesting evening. Jesus, please forgive me in advance for my imminent sarcasm. Though it's unseemly in a woman, since I've got William's unconditional support now that we're married, I think a higher good can only come from it.

Thanks, Mr. Fluffington!

Love, Mims

Is the Housewife Becoming an Endangered Species?

I haven't blogged in some time. I have been trying to adapt to my new life as a housewife. After William and I got married, I quit working so I could become a proper housewife. I am hoping that when we have children, I will be prepared to be a proper mother. What I am seeing right now is exactly how vital it is, if I have a girl, to pass on the housewife tradition to her. Sure, there are guides out there, but no one can teach you how to make hospital corners or cornbread quite like a mother. I fear housewifery may be becoming a lost art.

The brutal erosion of marriage in 6 states already is beginning to feel like an epidemic, spreading from the liberal Northeast into the heartland of America. Iowa? People, we can't let this happen. The world and its morals as we know them are endangered! Before we know it, Christians may well become a minority breed, and then we know that many will be too weak to resist the homosexuals' coercive measures, their sexual allure.

Having been married this past month and a half, I have experienced first-hand the effects of the erosion of marriage. Whether it be my invitations to other couples to come and enjoy a lovely cup of tea or evening of charades, or my futile attempts to carpool with our neighbors to church, all around me my efforts to strengthen the moral fabric of my community have been rebuked. None of my married friends can offer me the recipes, the housecleaning tips, or other man-pleasing techniques I need to make my husband happy in the bedroom. I feel lost.

How do women manage to scrub the toilets, air the rugs, do the dishes, feed their families without some semblance of tradition? Sure, I have a lady that comes into the house twice a week, but there is so much other stuff to do. I have had to decorate our new home, drop off William's dry cleaning; why, I even taught Sunday School last week. I'm just wondering how I will be able to have children on top of all my current responsibilities without sacrificing my principles. Oh, it feels good to say. I do know, though, that prayer is the answer.

So, besides the domestic front, and my obvious disgruntlement with our collectively poor political choices recently, things have been going alright. Ever since William and I were married, his work has picked up considerably. He has had to travel out of town nearly every week for the last six weeks, which I suppose is to be expected for an attorney of his stature. Sometimes, I'm a little insecure that Miranda's going with him all over the place, but ever since William and I tied the knot, I've been more reassured that he is mine and no other woman's. I do, however, need to figure out a good source of information pertaining to our sex life. Surely, if there is such a big ruckus about it all, there must be more that I'm not getting. I just can't let on to William that I am having such thoughts. I don't want to let on to him whatsoever that I do not find sex very fulfilling. I'd hate to burst his bubble.

Well, I intend to return to this blogging thing. I anticipate that since I fired Lupita and hired Juanita, I should be able to have more free time. That Lupita didn't know her ass from an oven mitt. One time, I went into the kitchen while she was cleaning to find her cooking beans in a bowl of cold water. Sheeez. Mags recommended Juanita, and I must say, she is a little better fit for our home- though I could stand to hear less of her chit-chattering away on her cell phone in Spanish all day. If she spoke in English, at least, I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not she talks about me. As it is, sometimes I think she is snickering at me about my lack of womanly prowess. Surely, she doesn't blame me for the decay of housewifery in our country. It's not like I don't get out and go shopping. It's just that she may not know it, because I like to stay home while she's there cleaning. Call me olde fashioned. Oh well.

Bye, Mr. Fluffington.

Third Time's a Charm

This is the third partial post I've written since becoming Mrs. von Thirstnhowl. I didn't finish it properly, but my not posting has put me en league with lazy liberal bloggers who get all their posts for free. Sarah Palin. Dick Cheney. Ann Coulter. Donald Rumsfeld. George Bush. Bill O'Reilly. Condaleeza Rice. Rush Limbaugh. Pat Robertson. Tom Cruise. Exploited cases in point. All we have are Al Gore. Michael Moore. Oprah Winfrey and Keith Olbermann. We can't even use Ted Kennedy anymore or we're being insensitive.

Oops. I digressed. Here's the post I wrote yesterday until I just laid down and cried on my bed for the rest of the evening while William worked late. I hope I'm pregnant.

I really should have been here sooner, I know. William and I have been back from out honeymoon in Belize for over a week now and I haven't even let any of our loyal readers know how my wedding went. I want to thank all of you who purchased lovely wedding gifts for us. (You know who you are.) The Sarah Palin hair poll can finally go away since I wore my hair up and it was a smashing success. I even had it dyed Sarah's color, so it could look exactly like hers.

I suppose the real truth is that I've been in a post-wedding depression of sorts. After all the years of planning, after all of the work and anticipation, it's over. Sure I got a lot of silver and crystal, some beautiful home decorations, that Lexus from William, and loads of cash, but besides that what makes being married so special. I don't even really feel different.

And now, I don't even have my virginity. William pushed and pushed to have sex all this time, and I really wanted our first time to have sex with each other to be special, and I'm not saying it wasn't, but I expected more I guess. After about 10 minutes, and I was looking at the clock, so I think that's right, all I could think about was how Miranda caught my bouquet. Who even invited her? And William's mother. Her toast to me was so cold and aloof that I fear she will never love me as her own. Her daughter.

I guess I just wished that William and I talked more. I've been feeling lonely, I suppose and I expected being married to cure my loneliness forever. It almost seems worse. There must be something wrong with me. Other women who are married always look so happy. I don't even feel like I fit in with them. Maybe when William and I have a child, I'll feel better about the other wives, but for now, all I hear them do is complain about being married. C'mon. They probably don't know what it's like for a woman to not get married until she's in her 30's. By that point a woman starts to question whether or not she will even ever get married, much less have children. I am blessed on those accounts certainly.

Don't get me wrong. William and I were a stunning bride and groom. I could hear the hushed exclamations of admiration as I was walking down the aisle, but I guess I just expected something to happen between William and I.

As I stated above, this is as far as I got yesterday, so I'm posting it anyway. I think I'm feeling better today. I am concerned about Swine Flu. There's no doubt that Obama's inexperience will prove disastrous as this situation develops into an emergency. People will be sorry they do not have Sarah Palin's experience as a medically responsible mother to guide them. Just look at how her pro-active measures have kept her children healthy (besides Trig, of course). I'm not referring to him in any way shape or form, ever. Never. Not like those nasty liberals who wanted to claim she was Bristol's child. Well, Bristol was pregnant, so that would be impossible and don't they look stupid now? And, I'll not mention how illegal immigration is no doubt going to be the cause of many deaths here in the US. God is stern with his children because he loves them. Do not forget that as you go and spread his love.

I do feel better, getting these things off my chest and helping others- as this post no doubt will.

Thanks, Mr. Fluffington.
Love, Mims